Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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