I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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