Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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