i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i barfeds in our rink
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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