I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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