remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
