no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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