I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
