Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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