no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
