he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
