Tell her she can't have a vagina
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
