i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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