Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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