:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
