Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
