I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
