nut hugger
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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