And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
