Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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