Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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