Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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