I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
