I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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