Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
