shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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