went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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