Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
we should paint friendship bongs
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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