I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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