I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
