my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
