The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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