I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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