U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
