If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
