i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
