dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
