I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
