I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
