you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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