Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
