No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
