What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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