Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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