Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Ketchup is God's man juice
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
