I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
