The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Every concussion has its silver lining
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
