His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You're like the curious george of whores
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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