I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
