You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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