he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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